joy counted.

Some things will never make any sense. Many things will makes sense in time. Few things make sense from the start.

I have long wondered about trusting God. How do I really know if I am trusting Him? I can sit on a stool to prove to myself that I trust its integrity. I can drive across a bridge to prove my trust in the steel it's constructed of.  But how do I prove that I am trusting in God? How do I prove that I really hope in Christ?

Lewis has helped me lately. He warned me against the danger and folly of overmuch self-examination. Specifically regarding "actions" or "states such as love, hope, trust, and so on. I call it the Lewiseinberg Uncertainty Principle. It's similar to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, which states that you cannot know the exact position and momentum of a particle simultaneously to the same degree of precision. I'll explain with the phrase "freeze frame." As soon as you "freeze" the frame all motion has ceased and you can know the exact position free of movement. As soon as there is movement, position vanishes because as soon as you think you know where an object in motion is located, it has moved. You can get pretty close to knowing both at once, but you'll always be slightly off on one, the other, or both.

Back to Lewis. Lewis described the experience of a hopeful sentiment, feeling, or state of mind. We all know that the heart, and mind, can be very deceitful. Our senses can trick us and our heart may lead us far astray. If you're like me, then you want to be certain that you truly are hoping in Christ. So when the moment comes to be hopeful, what do you do? You stop to analyze your hopeful frame, but the nasty trick of it is that when at once you pause to reflect and analyze, then you are no longer hoping. I must cease any exercise in order to analyze it. I cannot both run and study my stride at the same time. A special friend once told me that it's "more important to be in the moment than takin a picture of the moment."

For many years I wrestled with this unending scrutiny and analysis of my spiritual self. It was taking at best and suicidal at worst.

Lately, I have been given ample occasion to trust. And thank God I've not tried to analyze so much these last weeks; what joy!!

We've been advised, nay, commanded, to count it all joy when we face trials. Yet we have not been told to analyze whilst counting. Last night I got to spend time with brothers. I did not have to analyze, nor even suspect any falsehood in myself or in them. We are all the same. We all Fall short. We all trust poorly. We all relinquish our hope from time to time. Yet we have a Father gazing to the horizon, anticipating our return. And when we do return, as He knows we will, He asks not for an analysis of the hope and penitence that brought us back home. He knows all along that it was His love that drew us home. In fact, I suspect that it was Father Himself who made sure we were given jobs on pig farms to be kept alive.

Stay away from the Edamame salad at Publix; it wasn't worth $4.oo