joy counted.

Some things will never make any sense. Many things will makes sense in time. Few things make sense from the start.

I have long wondered about trusting God. How do I really know if I am trusting Him? I can sit on a stool to prove to myself that I trust its integrity. I can drive across a bridge to prove my trust in the steel it's constructed of.  But how do I prove that I am trusting in God? How do I prove that I really hope in Christ?

Lewis has helped me lately. He warned me against the danger and folly of overmuch self-examination. Specifically regarding "actions" or "states such as love, hope, trust, and so on. I call it the Lewiseinberg Uncertainty Principle. It's similar to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, which states that you cannot know the exact position and momentum of a particle simultaneously to the same degree of precision. I'll explain with the phrase "freeze frame." As soon as you "freeze" the frame all motion has ceased and you can know the exact position free of movement. As soon as there is movement, position vanishes because as soon as you think you know where an object in motion is located, it has moved. You can get pretty close to knowing both at once, but you'll always be slightly off on one, the other, or both.

Back to Lewis. Lewis described the experience of a hopeful sentiment, feeling, or state of mind. We all know that the heart, and mind, can be very deceitful. Our senses can trick us and our heart may lead us far astray. If you're like me, then you want to be certain that you truly are hoping in Christ. So when the moment comes to be hopeful, what do you do? You stop to analyze your hopeful frame, but the nasty trick of it is that when at once you pause to reflect and analyze, then you are no longer hoping. I must cease any exercise in order to analyze it. I cannot both run and study my stride at the same time. A special friend once told me that it's "more important to be in the moment than takin a picture of the moment."

For many years I wrestled with this unending scrutiny and analysis of my spiritual self. It was taking at best and suicidal at worst.

Lately, I have been given ample occasion to trust. And thank God I've not tried to analyze so much these last weeks; what joy!!

We've been advised, nay, commanded, to count it all joy when we face trials. Yet we have not been told to analyze whilst counting. Last night I got to spend time with brothers. I did not have to analyze, nor even suspect any falsehood in myself or in them. We are all the same. We all Fall short. We all trust poorly. We all relinquish our hope from time to time. Yet we have a Father gazing to the horizon, anticipating our return. And when we do return, as He knows we will, He asks not for an analysis of the hope and penitence that brought us back home. He knows all along that it was His love that drew us home. In fact, I suspect that it was Father Himself who made sure we were given jobs on pig farms to be kept alive.

Stay away from the Edamame salad at Publix; it wasn't worth $4.oo

Questions.

What do you do when you don't know what to do? I sat down just now to write something worth reading, but after typing a few lines I had nothing. I deleted all and began again, yet still I had nothing. Twice, thrice, four times and it was just empty. I want to say something profound, original, and perhaps even inspiring, but why this desire?

What if there isn't anything new to say? What if everything profound has already been said? All things original have passed? What if there is no more inspiration?

I am in a Chinese philosophy class right now and it's really sparking some fun thought. In the West we think linearly. Beginning. End. Start. Stop. Cause. Effect. Life. Death. In the East, specifically the ancient East they think/thought cyclically. Ebb. Flow. Relationship. Honor. Virtue. I will doubltess learn much in the course. One thing that is interesting is that Easterners do not have this obsession with Truth as many Westerners do. It's not that they don't believe in Truth, but rather that some Universal Absolute is not the pressing issue when there is a hungry mouth to feed or a cold hand to warm. Those who are concerned with Truth are right in concluding that Truth is true irregardless of where it is found. The wicked and the righteous can both truthfully state that gravity happens. I find, however, that many people dismiss Truth if it is not located in their Holy Writ. When Confucius tells a man to care for his neighbor it is just as truly a part of the second great command as when Jesus Christ says the same. When Paul was imprisoned and others preached the Gospel out of rivalry, he did not rail against them; Paul was glad the message of the Gospel was being preached. I think it foolish to discount philosophy that has grains of Truth in it, so long as we acknowledge it is incomplete and encourage the man who has heard the whisper of Truth to seek out the Shout.

Last night the Gospel was Shouted. Some heard it because it was the ambient noise in a cool place. Others heard it because it was the only thing they desired to hear. Others heard because they had already heard a whispered intro and now wanted the full Story in no uncertain terms.

What do you do when you don't know what to do? Who knows? Most of my questions are pointless, but they get me to rambling and my rambling usually takes me somewhere. To go anywhere, you must first leave your present locale. I may wind up where I started, but I may find new and distant lands.

Hmmmm.... I'm hungry

it's been a minute.

It's sad that any human would be less than truly himself or herself.  Well, that's where I've been for some time now.  I've been untrue to myself and even to many more.  I'm reading a book entitled The Bruised Reed by Richard Sibbes.  He's dead, as are most good authors.  You should check it out if ever you've felt alienated from the mercy of Jesus Christ or if you're unsure if you are a true believer.

I hope I am back.  And if I'm not back yet, then I will be soon. 

Hopefully, I shall soon be more aware of all the things that I already have to write about and to share.