Chocolate Milk.

I currently work two jobs totaling sixty five to seventy hours each week. This is not new for me. I worked the same, plus did full time classes and TA'ed two labs during the final semester of my Chemistry degree. You do what you must, right? So the hours aren't really new to me. But there is one thing that is new: job satisfaction. During all these years I've never enjoyed a job itself. Now I do, which makes my other job exponentially worse than it's ever been. So I arrived at job number two today, the bad job, and was in no particular mood to be there this afternoon. Job number one is very fulfilling for numerous reasons; job number two is merely the paycheck it has been for roughly a decade now.

I'm at number two and decide it is time for a snack. I go to the filling station and purchase some chocolate milk. And then I go back to working and thinking about matters wholly unrelated to the tasks at hand; number two is mindless. Anyways, back to the chocolate milk...

I am never any less than astounded at how great an effect chocolate milk has on my mind. Today, as I savored the dairy, chocolaty goodness, a particular colloquialism crossed my mind: "Never look a gift horse in the mouth." I am fairly certain that is how the saying goes. I've done a bit of work on a horse farm in the past few months and so it seemed a good rabbit to chase as the milk did its work.

I would guess that the idea behind the phrase is that when something is given as a gift you should gladly accept it. Seriously? Horses are really great creatures. Smart. Loyal. Neat on many levels. They also require a good deal of care because of the harm humanity has brought to the natural world. You can't just release a horse when you can no longer care for it because the world, at least not the small section I live in, is not horse friendly. Horses are not inexpensive creatures. Some are only allowed to go to new homes after several thousand, even hundreds of thousands of dollars change hands. And then there is the pastureland needed, feed, vet bills, trailers, and a new diesel pickup to get your new child home. A free horse is all well and good, but it's only free to me until it gets hungry again. Horses are like me, always hungry.

So, someone wants to give me a horse. I'm not wealthy by worldly standards. It would be nice to imagine, but I don't have the disposable income to care for the free gift. But what if I did have a bit of pocket change for feed? I would wonder why I'm being given a free horse. Has it been mistreated and the owner wants to be rid of a "bad" horse (made so by the owner; no bad horses, just bad owners) and decides no one would pay so they'll "freely" give it? Check out its mouth and see if a harsh bit has brutalized the poor equine. Unhealthy mouth may not bode well for temperament or health.

So, I think I would definitely look the gift horse in the mouth.

And you know what? As all things so often remind me of something else, so did this. It reminded me of someone telling me once to count the cost. Count the cost of integrity. Count the cost of honesty. Count the cost of patience and humility. Count the cost of selflessness, self-denial, and self-sacrifice. Consider if you can afford to entirely forget yourself. Count the cost of Leaving.

And then, consider these costs when compared to what is being purchased. Is the current sacrifice worth the reward I get later on for making said purchase?

And then an objection pops up: how can I truly count the cost when I am so young and have experienced so little? Yeah, compared with what I have done thus far in life it seems like a good deal. But what if I forfeit something that I'm absolutely unaware of? Sure, it looks affordable, looks like a good deal compared to the past, but I've no clue what the future looks like.

And then another thought pops in: commit! Man, folks are so wishy-washy these days. Non-committal. Flakey. Indecisive. Uncertain and unsure. No determination. No tenacity.

Sure, I've no clue what the future holds, nor do I have any clue what the future does not hold.

But really, folks that would say I might miss out are just folks who have chased smoke in the past and are still delusional enough to think they might have a chance of catching it if they just try a bit harder tomorrow, refine their methods, or hold their tongue a different way. Whatever? It's smoke. Can't catch it. Sounds slightly insane to me.

So, the whole thing about counting the cost and looking at horse teeth just gets really confusing, muddled. But, what if...

How about instead of considering the horse, we consider the giver? What if we follow the old advice and forget entirely about the gift's oral cavity and ask ourselves whether or not the giver would ever hoodwink us, ever pass off a secondhand gift?

I met Adria yesterday. Today, I had a great cup of coffee during my drive to number one. Would the Source give us a sick horse? Would He ever give us a gift that He has mistreated, mishandled, or abused? Doubtful!

I've just made a decision. If a man ever offers me a free horse, I'll have a cup of coffee with him before I accept the gift. Get to know the Giver a little. Find out what kind of giver he is so that I don't have to inspect the gift because, to be quite honest, I don't know as much about horses as I do about men. Or maybe it'll be chocolate milk instead of coffee. No, still not it.

I know.

I'll have both! After all, I am me.

Nuff said.